Walking In the Woods

I.

I told the choir director you were sick tonight, the closing night of the concert.

Forgive me, but I wanted to shine like a superstar—

and anyways, your voice sounds like a croaking hippo.

II. 

I fed your parrot hot sauce and he died.

I’m sorry but your bird just wouldn’t shut up

so I told him it was ketchup and the stupid bird fell for it.

III.

I gave your Bugatti to your ex-wife.

She came and demanded it and who was I to say no to her?

Don’t worry, she paid you in diamonds, but I gave it back to her, because she looked to forlorn.

IV. 

I cooked you pig liver for dinner and told you it was smoked beef.

You choked on it and I gave you vinegar telling you it was water.

Please excuse my clumsiness, you were poisoned by what I just served you.